Monday, May 19, 2014

Several Good Reasons Not To See "Jurassic World"

For more than a decade now, there have been talks of a Jurassic Park 4. Finally, it seems like it's coming, and, well, to put it lightly, sounds like total crap. Here are a list of several great reasons not to go see Jurassic World.

Reason 1: The Park Activities

So, apparently, there is going to be a dinosaur petting zoo and a ride that gets up close to the dinosaurs. Oh, boy. A ride getting close to the dinosaurs is so harmless! Nothing can go wrong. Watch Jurassic Park (the original). That idea didn't work, and they weren't even close to the dinosaurs. Also, a dinosaur petting zoo sounds a little better, but really? Please don't have corny awful jokes. Please don't have anything like… ah whatever…

Reason 2: Tamed Dinosaurs

Okay, so some dinosaurs are tamed. Retarded. I guess you could tame them, but this sounds lame. But we are devoid of how trained they are, so I shouldn't really say anything just yet (oops). It's the third reason that makes this ridiculous. 

Reason 3: "Good Dinosaurs" vs. "Bad Dinosaurs"

*Screams at the top of lungs*. Hello! There is no good or bad in nature! It's just the way things are! Stop doing that and humanizing things by saying "there are good dinosaurs and bad dinosaurs. The bad ones are always carnivores and always do nothing but cause mayhem because race car. And herbivores are always harmless." Okay, sorry, had to vent. I am aware that the article says that the raptors (dromaeosaurs…) and T-rex (T.rex) are among the good trained dinosaurs. So, basically, all the bad dinosaurs are untrained. Not always true. And this is leading up to the number one reason not to go see the movie.

Reason 4: Hybrid Dinosaur

So, last year, Jack Horner, the paleontological advisor for the film, teased about a new very scary dinosaur that will "keep your lights on after the movie." So what was it? Was it Balaur? Was it Siats? Was it Qianzhousaurus or some new dinosaur? No, it was a fantasy dinosaur! I bet the creators were in a meeting and were like, "So, how are we going to top Spinosaurus? Oh, I know, how about we create a hybrid because that's cool!" No, sorry, it's not. It is really just a hybrid of a raptor, a T.rex (already implausible) a snake, and a cuttlefish. First off, that is the lamest hybrid ever. Second, there are so many other real dinosaurs to choose from. 

Reason 5: No Feathers!!!!!!!

Even before the news of the other four reasons where released, the director released a Twitter comment that there will be "no feathers". So, ignore all of the science that has been made since the original film and show people misinformation. I understand the majority of people will say to all these reasons "it's just a movie. People know it's not real." Unfortunately, some people will think that the dinosaurs are real, and it will really hurt the now gaining popularity that raptors and other coelurosaurs were feathered. Thank you so much Jurassic World! Thank you so much!

So, five quick reasons. There you go. If you do see it, then either have fun, or bask in the misinformation and pseudoscience. If not, then watch all the chaos that will ensue from this.

1 comment:

  1. Hahaahha

    Hey Jacob!

    I really enjoyed this post! I haven't read too much of your blog, but I like what I've read.

    Instead of seeing Jurassic World next year, you and your readers might this year be interested in my company’s new app – Real World Dinosaurs – now available on the app store, with interactive (and accurate!) information on dinosaurs!

    It’s like an overview of information on different dinosaurs. Plus there are animations of each dinosaur it covers and more dinosaurs will be added, too!

    Anyway, I hope you’ll check it out and I look forward to reading more of your entertaining posts.


    Tamar and the CGMuse Team